Five Reasons why I have a problem with Disney’s “The Little Mermaid”
This has been bothering me. Sitting on chair lifts gives you quite a bit of time to think about the Great Questions. My ponderings tend to slant towards the inane. Most are charitably lost in the ether, but this one has somehow stuck with me. So now I shall inflict it upon you, oh horrorshow readers.
Why Disney’s “The Little Mermaid” bothers me
1. Ariel’s bone structure
A mermaid would not have the bone structure to survive in the full gravity environment of dry land.
She wouldn’t. Have you ever seen a beached whale? Yeah, they breath air, but you know what they do when they’re beached? They suffocate. A wheezing Ariel is neither cute nor kid-friendly.
2. Ursula
What is she? Some sort of mutant mermaid? At first glance, she appears to be octopus/human much like a mermaid is a fish/human. However, an Octopus has eight legs, and she clearly has six. This leads me to the conclusion that she is not an octopus/human hybrid, but a mutant human that can breath underwater and has six tentacles. This begs the question: how does she reproduce? I would surmise that mermaids reproduce in the normal fish fashion given their fish/human setup. Given that Ursula is not a true octopus/human, I can only conclude the following: Ursula has six vaginas. The traditional human setup is that genitalia are nestled between the legs. It only follows that Ursula would have her genitalia in between each leg. Do the math. I have made a diagram to illustrate my confusion (and fascination?)
This is science.
I can only surmise that any biologically compatible suitor male would be diametrically equipped. While it would be neat to be your own sausage party, such a setup would leave you very vulnerable to attack. In the course of survival of the fittest, such a species would be culled in a very short time. The fact that there is only one such specimen in evidence in the entire movie only supports this hypothesis.
3. The excited Bishop.
This bishop clearly has a boner. I’ve given you a before and after picture to prove that this isn’t a mere wardrobe malfunction.
Before you get all higgledy piggledy on me, I’m well aware that this is one of Disney’s well-documented sexual gaffes. I just feel that I would be remiss if I left it out.
4. Ariel is dumb.
She is. In the song “Part of your World,” Ariel doesn’t know the words feet, street, and burn. This is like saying a land-dweller wouldn’t know the words fins, water, and underwater exothermic burning.
Ridiculous.
5. This castle is made of penises.
Again, another Disney sexual snafu.
There you have it. Five reasons that Disney’s “The Little Mermaid” bothers me.
You may think that this blog post is of very limited value and I may agree with you. Let’s just say I did it so I could tag this post with “boner”, “the little mermaid”, “vagina”, and “penis castle” and be done with it.
Hi I'm David. I'm horrendously unphotogenic, so this is as close as you get! Cheers!
March 10th, 2010 at 3:57 pm
I will have to disagree on 2 points….
1. The Bone structure of mermaids is proven to be very sensuous and similar to humans
Case in Point:
http://www.pinktentacle.com/images/mermaid_4.jpg
(esp humans like Kevin McCallastor from Home Alone)
http://static.open.salon.com/files/home-alone1243399120.png
2. Aerial is not necessarily dumb. It simply took her a moment to recall those words, but she was in fact the one who produced them from memory. Though I concede that this may have been a bit of movie magic where she simply paused because she truly did not know the word, and waited for her understudy (pictured above) to whisper the correct line, and the timing simply worked out well enough for the director to keep it in…..
3. I bet your boogers taste really really salty right now…g’head, I’ll wait while you try em.
July 29th, 2010 at 1:22 pm
OKAY LOOK MORON SHE KNOWS THE WORDS “FEET” “STREET” AND “BURN” because
SHE’S ALWAYS TALKING TO SCUTTLE AND SCUTTLE TELLS HER ABOUT THE HUMAN WORLD!!!!
6 IMPOSSIBLE THINGS BEFORE BREAKFAST
#1 ANIMALS CAN TALK
(or else what the hell do you call “Speaking English”??LOL
You’ve met your match? No (get your mind out of the gutter - I want SNAPE [I need some discipline LoL] We lookins for “The Precious”!!! LOL)
The reality of the situation is: You’ve met FALCOR, the HIDDEN DRAGON (I’m married to Jesus or something , I think LOL, I dunno or “I have no idea!!” ~ FALCOR)
I’m FALCOR: just a good ol’ dog
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QVq1xm3sr5Y
So anyway, I’m gonna starve myself (fast & pray) to get Casey Anthony out of jail because the girls HAS GONE COMPLETELY INSANE (SHE took the police to Disney and told them that she worked there and she didn’t! SHE’S INSANE LOL THE POOR BABY IS COMPLETELY LOST LoL WE gotta help her <3 She’s in Hell and I’m going to get her out of there <3 She needs to be with her family period, and everybody else needs to get the fuck out of her business and mind their own fucking businesses!!!!!!).
Wanna come along??
COME ON FUCKER!!! Don’t be a pussy - JOIN THE BLOODHOUND GANG!!!
(by the way, you veered off the path, but that’s exactly why I found the vorpal sword, thank you for that!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sKhN0gh0kjY
Love,
Gollum (looking for the precioussssss!!!!!!!!!!! BECAUSE I wanna die in HIS FIREAAAAAAAAHHHHH
What’s the perfect way to die?
Alan Rickman <3
JesusGodValentine
To the edge of the cliff
(Card 0 – The Fool)
“Come to the edge, he said”
“We are afraid”, they said.
“come to the edge”
They came
He pushed them
and they flew.
Approaching the Emerald City (Tehran)
Where blue-birds fly (Twitter)
…… ?
What Say You, Man?
(Am I good or what?
MALICE <3
SERIOUSLY email me: junglady17@yahoo.com
Casey Anthony (she needs a champion – She’s Sarah in the Oubliette – she’s Belle in the dungeon [prison] – “Save the Princess’!!!!)
Arial is just a Mermaid whose in Love with The Half-Blood Prince :*(
Howl’s Moving Castle
The Lovely Bones
But Alan Rickman is Milk to Faith <3
Help Me out, Will You?
I have a referral for the psycho ward next friday, but I need something to bolster my confidence in MIND.
I’ll spar with you as practice - yeah????
I have a Green Destiny to fulfill <3 and I always wanted an older brother but it just wasn’t in the stars for us (we’re all girls). No one in my family gets me, they all think I’m insane (hence the psycho ward visit LoL). And they all think I’m disgusting and delusional about you-know-who
HEEELP!!!!
BASTION SAVE US!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!